


Is This Romance or Is This A Chaotic Disaster?

by srysmnwrites



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Asian Character(s), Avengers Family, Domestic Avengers, F/M, Female Character of Color, Male-Female Friendship, Not Canon Compliant, Original Female Character(s) - Freeform, Possessive Bucky Barnes, Possessive Steve Rogers, Protective Avengers, Protective Bucky Barnes, Protective Steve Rogers, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-14
Updated: 2019-09-24
Packaged: 2020-10-18 11:51:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,565
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20638706
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/srysmnwrites/pseuds/srysmnwrites
Summary: You honestly thought you were ready to live in the same building as the Avengers (you weren't). You thought you can keep it together and stay sane (you can't).You're pretty sure that you're not going to survive the Avengers meddling with your love life (but you try anyways).





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So, hi. I haven't been able to write in a long time so please forgive me for any mistakes I made in this. I'm rusty and cliche and I probably write like I'm high on drugs so forgive me.

You're sort of used to the Avengers' antics. Key word being sort of. Still, what started out as a normal day for you took a turn for the weird when you got back home.

You're used to weird. Duh, why wouldn't you be since your cousin is Pepper Potts? THE _Pepper Potts_. When you first told your closest friends about it, they didn't believe you. You and Pepper do not even look the same. Your eyes made a valiant effort to not roll to the back of your head like the protagonist in a C-rated horror movie when you heard their confused, slightly indignant disbelief. Like _yeah, I get it guys, we don't look alike._

But it really wasn't your fault. It wasn't Pepper's either. You were adopted when you were small. You were this tiny Asian baby when your parents first introduced you to Pepper. You have never lived a life without Pepper and her family. Your Uncle George is this ridiculous old man that makes silly dad jokes and he is always a happy drunk, telling everyone he loves them and singing love songs to your aunt. Your Aunt Marie's life goal is to stuff food down your throat, always claiming that you're not eating enough. To everyone else, your aunt is this prim and proper lady, always gentle and soft-spoken and she is most of the time. You wish people knew how scary she was that one time during high school when she found out you skipped lunch because you were busy doing your English Literature homework.

And of course, let's not forget about Pepper. You admired Pepper growing up, the same sort of admiration that a young boy would feel towards his favorite superhero. In your mind, she was always this person that could do _anything_ she wants and she's always determined and most importantly, she always makes you feel loved.

Your parents couldn't be there for you all the time and you understood. They needed to work, they needed to put food on the table. They did everything for you, even when you didn't understand that when you were younger. You didn't understand that the things they were doing were out of love for you. That lack of understanding put a lot of strain on your relationship with your parents.

You didn't have much sentimental memories of your parents but you do remember Pepper. You remember all the times Pepper took care of you when you were sick, comforting you with a warm hug and chicken soup. You remember all the times she had your back, making sure that you were doing okay in school because she knew firsthand how _exhausting_ high school is.

So yeah, you _really_ love Pepper. And Pepper really loves you. She always has your back, even when you're all grown up. Case in point, she invited you to live in the Tower because she claims that it's easier to commute to the university and you didn't have to deal with the extra stress of paying rent. Which yeah, very, _very_ tempting offer but she lives with the Avengers. The same freaking people that _saved_ the entire _universe_ from that fucking crazy purple prune, Thanos.

You politely said no and told Pepper that you didn't want to be a bother. She's the CEO of the most technologically advanced company in the world, she already has a lot of her plate and you didn't want her to worry about you. Besides, you're already in your second year, you're used to the commute. Rent was expensive, sure but you can work. You can be someone that your family is proud of. If you survived that shit ass high school of yours, you can survive _anywhere_.

Pepper didn't push. Well, you thought she didn't until she came to your apartment with a bunch of guys who started carrying stuff out of your apartment. You didn't even have time to come up with an argument when she handed you her phone. One argument with your parents, your uncle and your aunt later, you found yourself in your own room in the Tower. You were not surprised at this sudden development in your life. Pepper always gets what she wants and that's even before she's a CEO.

No one can blame you for how you reacted when you first saw your room. Which, first of all, _holy shit_, the "_room_" is bigger than your entire apartment. Your room (_you need time to get used to saying this and you hope Pepper understands_) has a full view of Manhattan and you're pretty sure the bed alone costs more than your salary.

You looked to Pepper and Mr. Stark who were standing at the door. In the calmest possible manner you could, you ask, "I _can't_ live here. This is _insane_! Do you realize how big this room is?"

Okay, your voice raised a few octaves but honestly, this was insane. You were a university student, you're used to the cramped shoe box you call an apartment. There's _no way_ you can live here.

"Actually, this is the smallest room we can find. We can get you a bigger one if you want." Pepper patted your head and you were slowly hyperventilating because what the hell, there are other rooms _bigger_ than this?

"Yeah, kiddo," Mr. Stark said and holy shit, freaking _Iron Man _is talking to you, _what is your life_, "If you need anything, just let JARVIS know. J?"

A calm, deep voice that sounded British piped in, "Miss Y/N, I am JARVIS. It is a pleasure to meet you. Please do not hesitate to let me know if you are in need of something."

Pepper pressed a kiss on your head before leaving with Mr. Stark, hand in hand. You couldn't sleep the first night because you were too wired, you weren't comfortable living in a new place. Of course, being a girl who lives far away from her family, you learnt to adjust. Life slowly got easier once you've adjusted. 

Mr. Stark became Tony and the Avengers became your family. You remind Tony, Bruce and T'Challa to eat. Natasha takes you out whenever she's free. Clint drives you up the wall with his pranks. Sam, Bucky and Steve keep you company as you do your assignments. Scott and Hope help you with Sunday dinners. All in all, you have it pretty good.

You _love_ the Avengers, you really do. They are funny and sad and traumatised and they're the most loving weirdos you've ever met. You honestly thought that nothing they do would weird you out anymore. As it turns out, they still can.

Today was another boring day of classes and lectures. You just got back home, feeling happy because you went out with your friend, Alex. You were having some serious cravings for sushi and when you asked Alex if he wanted to come with you, he was up for it. So, you spent the entire evening with him, eating sushi and gossiping about your classmates and watching movies. It was a good end to a stressful week.

Alex suggested that maybe, you and him should take a picture together. It was a really good picture of you and him, with your body pressed against Alex's side and his hand around your waist. You and Alex were really good friends so the close proximity wasn't weird. Besides, both of you looked cute.

So naturally, you posted that picture on Instagram. Yeah, you have an Instagram account because you're a millennial and every millennial with a smartphone have those. No, your life did not depend on how many likes you got, no matter what some of your classmates think. 

What you didn't expect when you got home was the Avengers gathered at the common room, all eyes on yours the moment you stepped in. In your defense, you were just trying to get some water because you were parched, you didn't expect this, whatever this is. Pepper was smiling as if it was normal for the Avengers to corner you like this. 

"So, Y/N, when are you going to introduce us to your lovely boyfriend?" Natasha broke the silence and your mind immediately went blank.

"Uh, what?"


	2. Interest.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Replaying the interaction in your head, you realized one thing. “Shit. I didn’t tell you I’m bi.”

Steve, the fearless leader he is, tells his teammates to not ambush you as he guides you to one of the sofas. You sometimes forget that Steve is a man who had lived in the 40s, you were not used to his chivalry as he took your bag with him, putting it neatly beside the sofa. He directed you to sit next to Bucky, who was staring with interest and something unreadable in his grey, stormy eyes. You did not have time to even _begin_ to understand why he was giving you that _weird_ look when Natasha spoke.

“Well, do you not want to tell us about this new man in your life?” Natasha seemed impatient, casually sitting next to Pepper and Okoye and Wanda and you were scared of them more than you have ever been scared of anything in your entire life.

“Um, I don’t understand?”

The redheaded spy seemed exasperated and a hologram of your recent Instagram post appeared, the picture of you and Alex._ Ah_. “Do you understand now?”

“Gotta say, kiddo,” Tony says, eating blueberries while messing with Bruce’s unruly hair, “You seem pretty cozy with the guy. I don’t have to give you the birds and the bees talk, right?”

You were grateful to Bruce for smacking Tony’s smirk away with a cushion. You did not understand their sudden interest in your romantic relationships but you knew that you had to nip this in the bud before Natasha, Bucky and Clint decided to do “_surveillance_” on Alex. Yes, you were aware of how invasive the Avengers can be.

“His name is Alex and he’s my friend.” You raised a hand, cutting Tony and Loki off from whatever clever, sarcastic remarks they were about to make, “No. You’re not allowed to do a background check on him.

You turned to Natasha, Bucky and Clint. “You three are not allowed to hone your _super secret spy skills_ by stalking him all over campus. He will call the cops on you and I will not help you out if he does.”

“Well, well, you seem protective of him, dollface. Sure looks like_ something’s_ going on.” Bucky drawled, a smirk etched on his handsome face. There was something odd in the way he talked to you just now but you saved your indignant retort in favor of addressing the entire room.

“Alex and I are not dating. He’s my classmate and he’s a really good friend. I like having him around so_ please_, for the love of God, please do not scare him.” You were pretty much aware that you sounded desperate but you really _did not want_ them stalking Alex and scare him off. “Alex and I will never date, like _ever_.”

“You know what they say, Y/N.” Steve gave you a teasing smile, although it didn’t reach his eyes, “Never say never.”

The Avengers were mumbling their agreement, clearly not believing a word you say and you reminded yourself to apologize to Alex when you see him next Monday. “Alex and I will never date because he’s gay.”

The silence that filled in the room was so immediate, you were sort of afraid. From the corner of your eyes, you could see Bucky and Steve exhale their breaths, as if in relief and yeah, your quota for weird Avenger behavior was pretty much running on low.

“Okay, so this has been fun. Let’s _never_ do this again.” You exclaimed and tried to stand up.

_Tried_, because Bucky immediately pulled you down, a hand on yours. “Oh come on, doll. Sit down for a second. Tell us about him.”

You were not impressed by his antics and even though he was pouting at you to stay, you are a strong woman who will not succumb to the antics of a man who pouts to get what he wants. You rolled your eyes and pinched Bucky’s cheek. “Stop pouting. You looked like a duck and the wounded duck thing is Matt’s thing.”

His pout did not ease one bit and you were sort of glad that Bucky is more open to you now. When you first met him, his facial expressions did not change when he had to talk to you. The fight with Thanos took a lot from everyone that fought him and Bucky was not an exception. You heard their terrified screams, you knew about their 4 a.m meetings at the common room when they could not sleep. You knew that despite the fact that they were hailed as heroes to everyone else in the world, they were broken human beings inside.

Each and every single one of them lost a piece of themselves to Thanos. Sure, all of them survived the battles but the terror _scarred_ them so much. You saw the way they seek comfort in each other, the way their cries and screams sounded so painful, so _agonizing_ and for the first few weeks of living there, you had wanted so much to_ get away_, to leave the place because this place might be Avengers headquarters but this is their _home_ and you were just a stranger. You were invading their safe place and it had felt wrong for you to be there.

You didn’t know what to make of things back then. You had wanted to help them so much that it kept you awake. That one faithful morning, the first day of your semester break, you could not sleep. Everyone was stressed out, you because you had your final examinations and the Avengers because they had missions back to back. You seriously _hate_ HYDRA for that reason alone.

You were at the common room, making yourself hot chocolate. The headache you were feeling were not going away and you knew that you were not sleeping anytime soon. It was okay, it was 5 in the morning, you can sleep later in the evening.

“Why are you up so early?” A deep voice startled you and you muttered expletives in your mind.

Bucky had looked disheveled and Steve was not looking any better. There were traces of wetness of their faces and your heart hurts so much at the thought of them having to wake up from their nightmares crying.

“Hi.” You attempted a smile, “I made hot chocolate. You want some?”

You poured the hot chocolate into their mugs and handed them to the super soldiers. They seemed so grateful at such a small act that you started to wonder when the soldiers, when any of them took time off for themselves and enjoy the smallest things like sharing hot chocolate. An idea struck you then and you smiled, giddy to start a plan that you thought would be good for the Avengers.

“What are you smiling at, doll?” Bucky asked, voice raspy.

“It’s a secret.” You said conspiratorially, hiding a smile as the super soldiers’ facial expressions changed from sad to curious confusion.

After you left them to enjoy their hot chocolate, a kiss on each of their cheeks, you began planning. The Avengers did not have much time to unwind and relax and you were determined to change that.

In order to make sure that your plan goes smoothly, you had called Nick Fury and explained to him about your plan. He was skeptical but you did not care one single bit. “You will _only_ call them when the world is literally ending. _Do not_ give me that look, Fury. You’ve been pushing them to the limit and I’m putting a stop on it. Handle all that HYDRA and AIM shit yourself and leave them alone. They need to rest.”

Fury’s response to your outburst was to raise a single brow and you were close to punching his face. _That bastard_. “Do not call them. Do not make Phil Coulson call them just because they like him more than they like you. Let the idiots working for you _do_ their fucking jobs for once. Leave my idiots _alone_.”

Satisfied that you had said everything you wanted to say, you hung up on Fury and began the first phase of your plans. You had worked with JARVIS to figure out their favorite food and after reviewing your meal plans with the A.I, you had cooked for the first Avengers Dinnertime. People bonded over food and you knew just how much these people ate. You had explained your plans to the chefs and thankfully, they were on your side. You were aiming to make Avengers Dinnertime a regular thing and it was safe to say that it was successful. The Avengers were having conversations with each other, with Tony sneaking food from Natasha and Thor, Steve and Bucky having a competition to see who can finish their ginormous pile of food first. You struggled to hide your smile at how they slowly began to enjoy having dinner together, to make dinner part of their norm.

The second phase of your plan was Avengers Movie Night. You had compiled a list of movies that the super soldiers and the resident demigods have not watched yet and had invited all of them to what is called the movie room. Yes, the Avengers had a movie room. Yes, it is built exactly like the cinemas you see at shopping malls. You had prepared popcorn, soft drinks, plates of chicken wings and junk food beforehand and you hoped that movie night can be a normal thing too. You decided to watch Mission Impossible and you could not help but laugh at their constant jabs at Ethan Hunt’s spy skills. You told them that one of them can choose their movie next time and you fully expected that they were going to fight for the right to choose the movie. Natasha won that argument hands down with just one glare. Your respect and fear for her grew exponentially that day.

The last phase of your plan was admittedly more difficult than anything else. Taking care of them as a whole was easy once you knew their interests but how do you even begin to take care of them as_ individuals_? Each of them had different traumas and you knew that you had to tread very carefully or you’ll risk ruining your hard work. So you took it slow. Really, really slow.

The first person and admittedly the easiest was Thor. You knew that Thor shouldered a lot of blame that does not belong to him and you wanted to help, you wanted to prove to him that he is a good person, especially when he believes he’s not. So, you had asked him about Asgard, about Valkyrie, about his mother and what was it like growing up with Loki. Thor loves his brother, his home and his people more than anything else, you can just feel his love for them in the way he spoke about them.

“I can’t help but feel that the people I love are better off without me.” You can tell that Thor hadn’t meant for those words to come out, just by the way he _immediately_ tells you to forget what he said.

“I wouldn’t be.” You said softly, your words prompting him to look at you, “A world without you would mean a lot of things will be different, Thor. Your people probably _wouldn’t_ survive Ragnarok. And that fight you guys had with Thanos? Without you there, who knows what would have happened, right? I mean, you being there, fighting for us, made_ a lot_ of difference.”

You hoped that Thor is listening to you instead of thinking of ways to kill you for mouthing off about things you know nothing about. “I think a world without you would make a lot of people sad. Your mother, your people, the Avengers and even Loki will be sad. Heck, your brother will probably direct another tragedy about how much he misses you and you know how dramatic your brother can be.”

Thor lets out a watery chuckle and tentatively wrap his hand around yours and you are so glad that you can do this for him. You’re really glad that he lets you be there for him.

The next person was Clint. You know that Clint hid himself behind a mask of indifference. He acts like the war with that ugly prune never happened. Fury, Phil, Maria, they were all worried about him. The archer was taking more risks, you heard all of the Avengers’ complaints and it was a known fact that he does not like to be emotionally vulnerable.

Luckily for you, your moment came when Clint was practically carried to the medical room, bleeding and unconscious. The doctors had spent hours trying to heal him and after a gruesome twelve hours surgery, the doctors explained that he was stable.

You had been so terrified of losing him that you didn’t sleep a wink that night. You waited for him to wake up with the rest of Avengers huddled near his room. Clint being Clint, of course, tried to escape the medical room the moment he felt “less achy” and you couldn’t stop the rush of words coming out of your mouth even if you tried.

“_You stupid selfish idiot_,” You were aware that the rest of the Avengers were watching you cry but you were only focused on Clint, who was stunned, “You nearly fucking died, you asshole. The doctors told us that _your heart stopped beating_ when you were in surgery. What makes you fucking think that it’s a good idea to escape?!”

“Fucking stop with the risks, Barton. Just _stop_ putting yourself in danger and while we’re at it, stop fucking_ brushing shit off like it’s nothing._ Everyone here is worried sick about you but none of us know how to get to you because you’re such an _emotionally constipated idiot_. We want to _help_ you, we want to _be there_ for you but we can’t fucking do that with your stupid evading shit.” You grabbed Clint’s purple shirt, gripping it tightly, “Go to fucking therapy. You don’t want to talk to us, fine. Talk to someone else. Do something, anything. We care about you and we worry so just, _please_,” Your voice was breaking but you couldn’t care less, “Please, understand that you have people that love you.”

Clint didn’t talk to you for weeks afterwards and you had wanted to give up because you just _ruined_ your relationship with him because you couldn’t control your mouth. You were so sure of leaving the Avengers headquarters, had even told _Pepper_ about it until Phil Coulson himself came.

“You finally got him to therapy.” The agent said and you blinked twice, wondering if you had heard wrong. “He’s in therapy, he’s been consistently going for the past month. Both him and Natasha.”

You were not at all embarrassed to admit that you cried in relief after hearing the explanation.

“You’re doing good, Y/N.” Phil smiled at you. “Thank you for protecting my agents. They sometimes forget that a lot of people will be there for them when they fall.”

Phil’s blessing and the news that the SHIELD agents were going to therapy had renewed your determination to help all of them. Taking care of Tony, T-Challa and Bruce was easy because their method of avoiding emotional things was to bury themselves in work or in the scientists’ case, science.

You had JARVIS, Pepper, Nakia, Okoye and Shuri by your side so the first thing you did was to cut down on their brooding time. Was it subtle? _No_. Did it work? _Of course, it didn’t._

But you had made your intentions early on that you were going to cut down on their science/office time under the guise that they needed to socialize with other people. They did not take that _lightly_ and had told you in a very polite manner to fuck off and mind your own business. You made it a point to let them know that it didn’t _faze_ you.

With Tony, you and Pepper made it mandatory for him to go to the company meetings. With Bruce, you had JARVIS plan out science conferences that he could go. With T-Challa, it was so simple, it made you laugh. You just had to call his mother to tell him how her son was doing. Needless to say, Queen Ramonda was not pleased with T-Challa overworking himself and had called him back home.

You had intentionally placed all of them with people/things you know they would not refuse, or at least, would take their minds off things. It was a very _slow_ process because going to the board members meetings “_bore and stresses me out_”, according to Tony. You knew that with the billionaire, you had to be creative. Tony loves two things; he loves science and he loves people that speak his _language_. So with that knowledge, you decided to make a bet with him. If he is able to go to a certain number of meetings that Pepper approve of without causing trouble, he will have full power in deciding and organizing events similar to the first science fair. He was puzzled at first and did not understand the point of the entire thing but when Pepper had organized a science fair of sorts where Tony got to meet with several incredibly intelligent children and the projects they brought with them, Tony wanted more.

He wanted more of such events and he wanted to meet and get to know people that share the same wavelength as him. It didn’t take him very long to agree to the terms, even if he did complain about how boring the meetings were afterwards. It was okay. You were used to his random, off tangent rambles.

When T-Challa found out that you had called Queen Ramonda, he glared at you for a better part of an hour during his phone call with his mother. You suppressed a laugh when you saw his face paling, knowing that his mother probably had requested him home. You were worried about the quiet prince. T-Challa’s method of distraction was not working for him because he was working more than he was sleeping. Often times, he would brush off Okoye’s or Nakia’s concerns, saying that he was still able to do his job.

He gave you a pretty mean stink-eye when he left for Wakanda but Shuri, Okoye and Nakia assured you that it was the right thing to do for him, so you did not feel all that bad, especially when Shuri sent you pictures of T-Challa training with the Dora Milaje and him sleeping like a starfish after each training. 

Out of the overworked trio, Bruce was the one who enjoyed his time off the labs the most. The older scientist was like a child, fascinated by the people at the conferences he had met and the scientific discoveries and innovation in progress. It was rare to see him so animated and you were glad that Bruce had a lot of fun. He even met Dr. Betty Ross and from what Bruce told you of her, they had quite a tumultuous relationship in the past before he turned into the Hulk.

A hand shook you out of your reverie and you looked up to a very handsome face close to yours. You blinked. “Hello. You are very handsome but your face is way too close.”

Bucky backed away, hand still on yours, face a tiny bit red. “You were spacing out, doll. Are you okay?”

The smile on your face came unbidden, he sounded so concerned and worried, like the mother hen he sometimes pretends he’s not.

You regarded the room, apologizing for spacing out with a sheepish smile on your face. “What are we talking about again?”

“You. A man.” Tony enunciated every word, which did not do anything to ease your confusion.

Pepper took pity on you and decided to explain. “What Tony means is that we are wondering if there’s anyone special in your life? Maybe someone you would want to take home?”

Bucky’s grip tightens a bit before he released your hand. Apparently, you were not doing a good job at clearing the air. “I-, this-, um, okay, guys. I’m going to say this as many times as you need to hear it.” You made sure everyone was focused on you, including Bucky and Steve, who seemed very uninterested to hear what you had to say. “I’m not dating anyone. I’m not interested in a romantic relationship with anyone in the present time. My opinion might change in the future but as of now, I am a happy, single university student who is trying to pass her third semester.”

It was comical to see them looking so relieved at the prospect of you not dating in the future, except for maybe Natasha. The spy looked very disappointed and you could only hope that she was not going to set you up with someone. You heard the horror stories from Steve and Sam. Natasha can be very, very persuasive when she wants to.

“You know, you’ve put me in the hot seat for some time now. I think I get to ask a few questions, right? Only fair.” And boy, you had a lot of questions to ask them that you almost did not know where to start. Still, one question stood out the most. “Why the sudden interest in my love life?”

“Oh well, you see, um…” Sam seemed to be struggling with words and having known the man for quite some time now, you knew that he was trying to hide something, “Well...”

Shaking your hand in fond exasperation, your heart warming at the thought that they were worrying about you, you decided to give the poor man a break. “Okay, okay. Jeez, don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”

“Thank you for worrying, I guess,” You picked up your bag, waving Steve’s concerns with a gentle smile, “If I ever bring someone home, man, woman or a non-binary person, I will tell you first. You will know everything about them. If you don’t like the love of my life, I’ll leave them. If the love of my life does not like you, then fuck them, I don’t need that kind of person in my life. You’re my family and I love you guys.”

“Wait, sweetheart,” Pepper asked, preventing you from leaving, “What do you mean, a woman?”

“What do you mean? I swing both ways. I might bring a girl home to meet you, you know?” You joked.

Replaying the interaction in your head, you realized one thing. “_Shit_. I didn’t tell you I’m bi.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So hi everyone. Please tell me if I did a horrible job. I need to improve my non-existent writing skills.
> 
> Anyways, thanks for reading. Please don't hesitate to tell me that I'm a horrible writer. I need the wake up call.
> 
> If you feel like spreading a little kindness, I have paypal (paypal.me/sarayasmine94). If you feel like you want to spam me with messages and ideas about this fic, feel free to follow me on twitter @/sararinity.


	3. Loved.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It wasn’t supposed to happen like this. Fuck, this wasn’t supposed to happen at all. Your sexuality was supposed to be a secret that only your closest friends know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: mentions of panic attacks, homophobia. Please heed the warnings.

There was an uncomfortable silence in the room after your very eloquent outburst. Fear came to you in slow waves as you watched them whisper next to each other and before anyone could say anything, you ran to your room, telling JARVIS to not let anyone in while you tried to get air inside your lungs. You needed to be in a safe place. At least, a safe place for the time being before Pepper decides she doesn’t want to be related to you. _Fuck_.

It felt like the world was caving in and suffocating, strangling you. You didn’t even know human hearts can beat this fast. Is it normal for hearts to beat _this_ fast? Are you going to die? Because it feels like you are.

It wasn’t supposed to happen like this. Fuck, this wasn’t supposed to happen _at all_. Your sexuality was supposed to be a secret that _only_ your closest friends know. Why? How did it turn out like this? You kept it under wraps for over a year; you knew what happened to people like you. You knew the stigma; you knew that it was the kind of thing that breaks families, that gets children disowned. You knew the fear that a lot of people have to feel every day because society makes you feel that way. That you have to _fear_, that you have to _hate_ a part of who you are.

But how can something so good be bad for you? It’s your sexuality. You didn’t see anything wrong with liking girls the way you like boys. Why does it matter? Why should it matter if you like girls and boys? What does it have to do with anyone else? It was just you, your attraction, your _feelings_. Why should_ anyone_ get an opinion, a say in who you like? What was so unnatural about it?

You had wanted so bad to call your best friend, she’ll know what to do. She’ll know what to say in times like this, you're sure she’ll know how to calm you down. You can tell that your mind is already in that bad place you don’t like, where all your insecurities and fear lie. Tears began falling down your face and you couldn’t, _you couldn’t breathe_.

Oh God, what would your parents say about this? What would they think? Their only daughter, the child they _tried_ so hard to adopt, the child they had raised for years, being bisexual. Would your Uncle George look at you in_ disgust?_ Would your Aunt Marie _ignore_ your attraction to girls, invalidating who you are inside? And Pepper, Jesus, what would she do? You’re living with her now, what would this mean for the both of you? Would she throw you out? Decided you _don’t_ deserve to be her cousin anymore? Will…..will she stop loving you because of this? The thought _hurts_ like a physical wound.

Despite your fear, despite the voices in your head _taunting_ you endlessly, you _do not_ regret a single thing. Your feelings. Who you are attracted to. You accepted it as a part that makes you who you are. You had your moment of panic a long time ago. Your best friend helped you through it, guiding you on what to do, to help you understand better. And it makes sense. Weird as it may sound, you felt like a part of you is settled. The part that is always so _uncertain_, so _unwilling_ to accept the truth, is finally at peace.

At first, you brushed off your attraction to girls as_ mere_ aesthetic appreciation. Girls are beautiful and wonderful and you swear, there’s _magic_ every time they smile and the world seemed a little less shitty when they laugh. Oh how _stupid_ you were.

You heard the incessant knocks on the door and you didn’t think it was possible for your heart to beat even faster. You could hear Pepper calling out for you. “Hey, sweetheart. Please open the door, please. _I promise_, it’s okay. Please, _please_ just open the door.”

“_It’s okay_” doesn’t mean much to you right now. It doesn’t mean much of anything. But you steeled yourself with strength you didn’t feel because Pepper always gets her way. JARVIS would open the door for her if you didn’t and how’s that going to look for you? What kind of picture would that paint?

You do not regret anything. No one should make you regret finding yourself. No one should make you feel guilty for finding peace. You do not and will not give that power to anyone, not even Pepper. If…if being yourself means losing Pepper, losing your family, losing the Avengers, you _will_ deal with the aftermath. You didn’t fight with yourself for so long to give up like this. If anyone decides you’re undeserving of their love because of what you feel inside, then that’s _their_ problem.

Asking JARVIS to open the door, you’re met with the sight of worried faces, Pepper at the center of everything, as she always is. Her eyes widen a bit when she saw you and something flashed in her eyes before you’re pulled to her, her arms wrapped around you. _Fuck._

“Sweetheart,” She pulled away, wiping your tears with her thumbs, “I’m so sorry. I am so, so sorry.”

_Why is she saying sorry? What does she have to be sorry for? Unless…_

You lowered your head, refusing to look at any of them. “I-I….I’ll…um…I-I’ll pack my bags.”

A finger was under your chin and you were forced to look at a pair of concerned eyes. Pepper looked both confused and panicked, if that was possible. “What do you mean you’ll pack your bags, sweetheart?

Was….was she doing this on _purpose?_ She had to know what she was doing. There’s no way she didn’t know. But, there was no way Pepper is that cruel. You’ve known her your whole life. You have loved her your entire existence.

“I-I don’t regret being bisexual, Pep.” You don’t. You really don’t and Pepper has to know that, _everyone_ has to know that. “If you’re not comfortable with that, I’m leaving.”

The thumb that was brushing your cheek, pushed strands of your hair that has covered your face and Pepper….she looked pissed. _Uh._ Why was she angry again? Was it something you said?

“I have loved you since you were a baby.” The tone in her voice scared you a bit and you were fully willing to admit that. “If you think I’m going to stop loving you because you’re bisexual, I obviously haven’t been loving you right.”

Pepper was so gentle with you and so patient. “I don’t love you any less because you are bi, Y/N. Is that why you were crying? You thought I was going to hate you?”

You nodded slightly and Pepper shook her head in fond amusement. “For someone so smart, you can be dense sometimes.”

The exasperated tone in her voice prompted you to laugh. “Honestly, sweetheart, do you have any idea how hard it was to convince Uncle Tim and Aunt Diana to let you stay with me? Me! They acted as if I’m making you live with Jack.”

You could practically feel the confusion in the air when Pepper mentioned Jack's name.

“Jack’s one of the guys who used to bully me during high school, guys. Pepper kicked his ass.” You couldn’t help but grin at the memory.

She kissed your forehead and you felt like you can finally breathe easier. “And I will do it again. If anyone gives you a hard time because of this, _anyone_, tell me. I’ll gladly destroy them.”

You knew that she meant every word. You didn’t know what she did to your bullies years ago but whatever she did, it had worked. Your bullies _still_ do not talk to you whenever you bumped into each other in the supermarket back home, which was a blessing because those fatphobic, misogynistic morons can go fuck themselves. Sometimes, it pays to have Pepper as your cousin, she's so scary she'll put the fear of God into anyone. 

You braved yourself to glance at the rest of the Avengers and saw nothing but reassuring smiles and you let yourself be lost in their warmth. They have your back, they will support you, just like Pepper does.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So hi everyone. Please tell me if I did a horrible job. I need to improve my non-existent writing skills.
> 
> Anyways, thanks for reading. Please don't hesitate to tell me that I'm a horrible writer. I need the wake up call.
> 
> If you feel like spreading a little kindness, I have paypal (paypal.me/sarayasmine94). I'm a poor college student who could use a bit of kindness. If you feel like you want to spam me with messages and ideas about this fic, feel free to follow me on twitter @/sararinity.

**Author's Note:**

> So hi everyone. Please tell me if I did a horrible job. I need to improve my non-existent writing skills.
> 
> Anyways, thanks for reading. Please don't hesitate to tell me that I'm a horrible writer. I need the wake up call.
> 
> If you feel like spreading a little kindness, I have paypal (paypal.me/sarayasmine94). If you feel like you want to spam me with messages and ideas about this fic, feel free to follow me on twitter @/sararinity.


End file.
